Promise Me
by katie-catastrophe
Summary: Lillian has always suffered from depression but it went to the extreme when her boyfriend, Niall Horan, was away on tour and was ignoring her. *Trigger Warning*


_"I'll miss you Lils, but I'll be back soon. And I'll call you every night! And we'll skype! Oh no, please don't cry, you know I hate it when you cry!" Niall said while hugging me in the kitchen of our house._  
><em>"Niall! Let's go!"<em>_Harry yelled from the drive way.  
><em>_"Bye, beautiful." He whispered after kissing me softly. Once I opened my eyes, he was gone._

"Call me every night, my ass." I muttered while going into the bathroom and fumbling around in the medicine cabinet. Niall had left exactly two months ago for his tour in America. He called me the first few nights, and we talked on skype once, but after the first week I hadn't heard from him. Due to this, I had restarted an old habit. Cutting. I quit cutting because of Niall, but him being away and ignoring me reignited my feelings of depression. I know, harming yourself because a boy is dramatic but once you've started, whenever you're upset it just seems like the thing to do. I took off my shirt and made a laceration on my stomach. I looked at myself in the mirror and saw the blood slowly trickling down my skin. I usually only cut once a day, but I was feeling extra sorry for myself tonight. I picked out each one of my flaws and made another cut for each. When I was finished I counted each new gash and came to the total of thirty nine. I added that to the previous total of fifty seven, for the sixty one days Niall has been gone subtract the four days at the beginning when he called me, to get a grand total of ninety six.

I stripped off the rest of my clothes and got into the shower to rinse off the blood. After my shower I went into the bedroom to dry off and changed into some sweats and one of Niall's shirts. I dried my long blonde hair before going into the living room to watch some Disney movies. Once I had made myself a cup of tea, and started watching Beauty And The Beast, I heard someone outside the front door. I turned the volume of the movie down and tried to hide myself in a blanket. I heard keys jingle before the door swung open. Just as I was about to scream bloody murder, I noticed it was Niall! I jumped off the couch and ran towards him as he dropped his bags and opened his arms ready to give me one of his famous hugs. He wrapped his arms around my waist as I buried my head in the crook of his neck, taking in his smell.

"I missed you so much." He whispered into my hair.  
>"I missed you too!" I squeaked.<p>

He pulled back and gazed into my eyes before leaning in. I decided to be a pain, so I ran away giggling. I looked back at him and he was just standing there with a shocked look on his face before breaking into a grin and chasing after me. I ran into the bedroom and peaked around the door frame to see if he was coming. I didn't see him so I walked over to the bed and sat on the edge trying to catch my breath. I closed my eyes for a second, but right after I did, I was being tackled. I opened my eyes to see Niall over top of me grinning from ear to ear. He leaned down and at the last second I turned my head to the side so he kissed my cheek instead of my lips. He looked down at me laughing while shaking his head before smiling mischievously. Before I could react he was tickling my sides. It took a moment for it to sink in what he was actually doing. Realization and pain hit me at the same time. I started squirming and begging for him to stop, but he figured it was just the same pleading as any other time he'd tickled me. That was until he looked up at my face to see the look of misery. He quickly stopped and cupped my face with his hands.

"Are you okay, babe? Did I hurt you?" He asked, his voice full of worry.  
>"No, no, I'm fine." I replied trying to get out from underneath of him.<br>"You're not. You're obviously in pain..." He trailed off before touching my stomach again.  
>"See! You flinched when I touched your stomach!" He exclaimed.<p>

His eyes became wide and he slowly moved his hand to the hem of my shirt.

"Niall, don't." I whispered.

He carefully lifted the material up to reveal my torso. His face crumbled and his eyes filled with tears. He gently traced each gash with his finger tips.

"Why..Why did you do this to yourself?" He mumbled not looking up from my scars.

I opened my mouth to speak but he cut me off.

"Nothing you say is going to be a good enough reason, so I'd save it." His tone becoming harsh.  
>"But Niall, I-"<br>"Save it Lillian! There is no excuse for cutting yourself!" He yelled before burying his face in his hands. I pulled my shirt down and sat up to try to comfort him. He shrugged my hand off once I put it on his shoulder, and he stood up pacing the room. It was silent for a while before he stopped in front of the bed and stared at me.

"What the HELL were you thinking?"

I tried to answer, but he just kept shouting.

"Don't answer that, because you clearly weren't thinking at all! This is such BULLSHIT, Lillian!"

He was really getting on my nerves and I couldn't take it any more.

I abruptly stood up and screamed "SHUT UP, NIALL!"

He quit his rambling and stared, waiting for me to continue since I had interrupted him.

"You're the one who completely ignored my existence the whole two months you were away!" I yelled poking him in the chest for emphasis.

"IT WAS A TOUR, LILLIAN. I WAS BUSY."

I shook my head and turned to walk away. He caught my wrist and pulled me back to face him.

"I don't need this, Niall." I mumbled and shook him off.

I headed towards the bathroom and as I was shutting the door I saw him running towards me, most likely realizing what I was about to do. I slammed the door as quickly as I could and locked it. He started pounding on the door, yelling my name. I picked up the razor off the counter where I had left it and put it to my left wrist. Right before I pulled the blade across my skin I heard Niall plead through the door.

"Lils, you don't have to do this."

I created the first wound before saying "Too late."

Niall started to yell profanities and punch the wall, but I just ignored him and continued to create deep cuts in my wrist. While I was making the fifth cut I started to get dizzy and found it was hard to stay standing. I backed up to the sink to try and hold myself up but it was gradually getting more difficult. I made one final incision before throwing the blade onto the ground. I watched the blood seep out of my skin as I was loosing conciousness. Just as I was about to black out Niall broke down the door. He tore off his shirt and rushed over to me, putting it on my wrist. I tried to fight him off, but I lost stability and fell to the floor. I was lapsing in and out of conciousness and I could see Niall trying to wrap up my arm with whatever he could find, and then frantically calling people with my blood all over his hands. When I regained momentary alertness, there were a bunch of strange men in the bedroom, I was on a stretcher and hooked up to oxygen. I looked around the bathroom and saw a lot of blood on the floor and counter. When I saw Niall I wanted to cry. His hair was tousled, his eyes were red, and his cheeks were tear stained. Since he had used his shirt to stop the bleeding, his chest was bare and covered in it, along with his hands. Seeing Niall this way gave me the courage to quit this lifestyle and live a healthy one, if I made it through.

When I woke up in what I assumed to be the hospital, I took in my surroundings. My arm was wrapped in gauze, and I could also feel some sort of bandage on my stomach. I was hooked up to a bunch of beeping machines. There were 'Get well soon' balloons in the corner along with some stuffed animals, presumably from the boys. Niall was sleeping in the chair to my right, with his head resting on the bed, and his hand holding mine. I ran my free hand through his hair as tears sprung into my eyes. I tried to clear my throat, which ended up waking Niall. He groggily looked up at me, and tightened his grip on my hand.

"Why are you crying?" His voice full of sleep.  
>"I can't believe I put you through this! I'm such a horrible girlfriend!" I exclaimed throwing my hands in the air.<br>"Shh, no you aren't babe. But I need you to promise me one thing." He said as he took both my hands into his, rubbing his thumbs along my knuckles.  
>"Anything." I replied eagerly.<br>"Never, ever, hurt yourself again. For any reason. I don't care if the world is ending, you don't so much as give yourself a paper cut!" He stated with a small smile.  
>"I promise, Niall." I assured.<br>He smiled and took a deep breath before looking me in the eyes and saying, "I love you, Lillian."  
>"I love you too, Niall." I grinned.<p> 


End file.
